idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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