I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
