I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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