It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
