i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
