smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
