wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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