It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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