I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
