Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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