Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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