Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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