$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize