I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
