I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
