Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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