are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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