toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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