There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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