I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
