I smell stomach acid.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
