You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
