my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
