i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
