Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
