Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
