the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize