Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
