white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hippo gnu deer
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
