Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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