sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
