After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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