he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
