i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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