dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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