Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Your cock deserves a montage
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Randomize
