See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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