respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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