My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
