babies were throwing up all over the place
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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