I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
