The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
time to smoke my breakfast
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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