No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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