omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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