also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
