No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
