is your mom at the bar?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
