I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
