only you would photoshop your dick
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
