Betty ford says i'm here all night
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
