I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
