I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
