hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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