I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
