dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
