I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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