Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
