Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
