Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
