it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
