It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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