My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
