So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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