I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
