in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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