Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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