I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
