I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I need moral support for this bender
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
