i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
