we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
