if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
