White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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