Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
