I feel great
I just peed on a car
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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