I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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