Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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