Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
